PCIJ

Inside PCIJ - the stories behing the stories. Didn't realize they had a blog. Found it when B wanted me to find some transcripts of GMA and Comelec...

OPL (other people's lyrics)

I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting
Don't give me choices cause I can't decide
My mind is soaked in words
I've come to terms with all my insecurities
And purity's no friend of mine
-anna nalick

You can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
-anna nalick

Bones are sinking like stones
All that we fall for
Homes places we've grown
All of us are done for
And we live in a beautiful world (yeah we do yeah we do)
We live in a beautiful world
-coldplay

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where to, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on this side of this mountain of mine?
-coldplay

It gains the more it gives,
And then it rises with the fall.
So hand me that remote.
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless, pleasure,
We've no time for later now, you,
Can't await, your own arrival you've,
Twenty seconds to comply.

(So let go)So let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for?
It's alright,
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown.
-frou frou

Hugs and Kisses

Yesterday morning, 6 year old D was off to his usual overly energized antics that he's been doing as he enter the classroom for past few weeks, if not months. He'd run around the class, unable to stay seated for more than 5 seconds(literally - i counted!). Whereas earlier in the year, giving him a book to read was sufficient to keep him occupied for at least minutes at a time, no book, activity or anything could keep him seated whil we'd do our morning toileting routines.

This day in particular, however, he was also singing, almost maniacally. He has been known to sing approximations of songs in the past, like when he'd get upset, he'd cry and sing the alphabet song. Usually afterwards, he'd calm down. But this day, he wouldn't stop. In addition, he would purposely drop a pencil here, a chair there, and gesturing for one of us to tell him to pick it up. Its like he was waiting for us to reprimand him. Instead we (me and my 'paras' aka teaching assistants aka angels of mercy hehe)decided not to say a word. Oh, the reason for that was that in addition to the running, and dropping things, and maniacal singing, he was also repeating reprimands said to him. He'd say "pick it up"; "not in your mouth"; "that's enough"; "get your mouth off the tv"; "sit down now"; "stop that now"; "no soda"; "no computer". Obviously, adding another to his "repertoire" would not help this situation, ya?

We attempted to ignore it at first, then just respond with "shhh" (because it would be better for him to repeat that rather than our reprimands). We'd physically prompt of gesture him to go back to his seat, to pick up the pencil, etc. But he still would not calm down. We finally got him to go to his "workstation" where he had about 4 tasks to do (some math and reading worksheets, puzzles, etc.). But though he actually sat there for more than 5 seconds, he was still singing and "reprimanding" himself as well as drop things on the floor.

Then he started to tear and his eyes were a bit red and he started to rub at them. I tried something new.

I asked him if he needed a hug. And he said, "Miss Erna, I want hug." And I did.

And he started to cry and hugged me so tightly for what seemed like nearly 10 minutes. He cried louder and hugged tighter. And I patted and rubbed his back to soothe it. I let go to see if he'd go back to work. But he didn't and was just looking at me. So I asked again if he wasnted another hug. And he said he did. So I did and he hugged tight even longer and cried some more. When he quieted down, I let go and smiled at him. I said, "ok, back to work". And he did.

He was calmer for the rest of the day than I've seen in weeks.

my desiderata (aka prayer for spring)

...though yes, i'm aware it is now summer. i think i've posted this before - i'm sure i have, or shoulda...wrote (some version of) this 10 years ago.

I call for you:
Impatient - my middle name.
Wanting something yesterday
Trying to grasp for infinitesimal tiny gems
Through a rush of running water
Blindfolded.

I know
I need to relish
Each moment each heartache each ecstasy each state of nothingness
Because in each unbearable state is a reminder that I am ALIVE.

The key is to know that every hurt will lead to a healing.

You answer:
The leaves of a tree do wither away in the fall and winter
But they grow back in the spring
Don't dwell on when things will get better because
You will never be able to guess or approximate that point
It will happen when you least expect it
Don't be so hard on yourself
You will be happy again.
Open yourself to your emotions
no matter how difficult they are to bear
Remember each feeling…

You've been cutting at trees
that appear to be dying,
thinking they are taking up precious space.
The trees are a part of you
and soon spring will come
and you'll see
they will bloom again
and nourish you with its fruits.

For Whiny (ok, and for me and you too)

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann (1927)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Pimenton

Our new Queens resto discovery: Pimenton. 

Pretty Paella 

Ivy (of Aikostar) and my B (of TSS, hehe) 

Parenthi) of the dPDs

(l-r) Ernest (all around artist), Edwin (hot new curator and last elected PD (program director) of Arki), Lynn (last dPD (default program dir)), moi (apparently I WAS a dPD but didn't know it haha), and Rene (perpetual Arki cheerleader) smoking outside Junno's...(well, except for Edwin:P) 

Nicole, Ivy (of Aikostar!) and Emmy (Arki's new head honcho!)strike their poses at Junno's (at the recent Arki party for pinoy filmmakers) 

Homesick Whiny at White Castle's - see the 7 train behind her whizzing by? 

The only clear pic from the Lovely To Nowhere reading at La Mama... 

Linkerati

A Queens native, Emmy, Dancing in the Dark

A couple of Queens happenings:

Down the Garden Path: The Artist's Garden After Modernism
Opening June 26

Synesthesia
An audiovisual extravaganza by Aikostar
At Galapagos on June 24 (this is in Williamsburg, but B wants to claim it for Queens, hehe)

Comix Ex Machina
Opening June 18

Ok, so,

i miss writing. i've been "writing" things in my head (yes, not just blogging - writing writing!) for a while now, but i did not feel that longing (for utter lack of better words, obviously) until The Lovely Nowhere reading at La Mama last week.

My intital thought coming out of there was, wow, people i knew from years back (freakin' PRE-Arkipelago days, as in Native Souls Collective days - do you even remember that?) were there, one was a reader, some others were in the audience. It freaked me out quite a bit, not just coz i hadn't seen them in years, but the fact that we were all so much OLDER. And THEY were still "in the scene" know what i mean? The other thought was that though most of the male readers were quite strong performers, i felt only one female reader made any real impact on me.

And i thought, dang, we need more females performing works. And not just that overdone and usually wanna-be "spoken word" style of performance. For a brief moment, i was like, shit, I could do that. I DID do that once or twice. Then reality set in. SHIT! I haven't written anything worth reading nor sharing with others in YEARS. And even when S held her sometimes annual spring open mic get togethers among friends, the thing I read was really just bullshit. I mean even I knew it was pure crap. Or to be kinder to myself, stuff that could use more development.

So basically the past few days, I went to the highs of reminiscing to the lows of 'shit, all i talk about now are my students'. SHIT. What the hell happened? Anyways, excruciating and insignificant story cut short, I'm writing again. In a small notebook i've been carrying in my bag for months. Its been mostly empty 'cept for occasional recordings of good food or wine I'd have. Now its full of shit. Hehe. Ok, shit that has potential for development. Ok? Its a start. Yes, I have started.

Ok, fine, laugh.

Ano
Ba.
Kulang sa
Daldal.
Ewan ko kung
Gano o pano
Hahanapin ang
Ilaw. ang
Layo
Mo.
Nasaan ka?
Ngunit
Oras na
Pa
Ra
Sumulat
Tindig na.
Upang
Wala na
Yata dito.

why I don't

if i start what if i can't stop
if i start what if nothing is there
if i start what if nothing is left
if i start what if you laugh
if i start what if you don't notice
if i start what if it just doesn't work
if i start what if i look dumb
what if what if what if what if
if i start there's always an end

(is this the start?)

The Lovely Nowhere 2 + The Burial of the Count

I hope hope hope I'm not too tired to go to this next week:

La MaMa Theater's Poetry Electric Presents

The Lovely Nowhere 2:
New Works by Filipino American Poets

Charles Valle
Patrick Rosal
Lara Stapleton
Sarah Gambito
Joseph O. Legaspi
Jessica Nepomuceno O'Connell
Oliver de la Paz

June 7th
8pm
La MaMa Club
74 East 4th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Aves.)
212-475-7710
$5

BUT I definitely want to go to this tomorrow night:

The Burial of the Count
Friday, June 3, 7:00-9:00 p.m.
Le Rosier Café
Free and open to the public.

The reading celebrates the publication of The Burial of the Count
of Orgaz & Other Poems (Exact Change, 2004), the most
substantial translation into English to date of Picasso's poetry.
For a period of 25 years, beginning in 1935, Picasso engaged
in a form of radical experimental writing that is now coming to
be recognized as a major literary breakthrough--not only a
reflection of his own time but a beacon for the present. In his
characteristic and prolific way, he was, as Michel Leiris
described him, "an insatiable player with words... [who, like]
James Joyce ... in his Finnegans Wake,... displayed an equal
capacity to promote language as a real thing (one might say)
...and to use it with as much dazzling liberty." Seen in this
light, the poems invite new and surprising readings of Picasso's
visual work.

Jerome Rothenberg and Pierre Joris, coeditors and principal
translators of The Burial of the Count of Orgaz, will be joined
in this reading by a number of the volume's guest translators:
Carlos Blackburn (reading for Paul Blackburn), Ricardo Nirenberg,
Diane Rothenberg, Jason Weiss, and Mark Weiss.