advice to future brides#1: love

i'm not sure if it's a bit presumptous to future brides this early in the game. but considering my wedding is about a month and a half away, i am sure i have learned a number of lessons along the way thus far.

Love
as obvious as it seems now, Love must be what drives the whole wedding planning process. I mean it is the reason the whole wedding is happening in the first place, right? Our wedding is a public declaration of our love for one another in front of people that we love and that have shown us love in our lives. As stressed as I have been during the wedding planning process, I also think of myself as one of the most laid back brides you will ever meet. Always, in the back of my mind, I have known that whether or not we had a wedding ceremony, B and I would be together. Nothing has ever doubted that. That is love. And it is that solid fact, that absolute truth that has brought me comfort in all this wedding planning stress. Future brides, remember that! In all my wedding related dreams, there was always some kind of imperfection (many times, quite humorous actually)involved. And always, even when things did not go as planned in my dreams, B and I were together and took comfort in being together. So for me, even if everything that could go wrong does go wrong, at the end of the day, he and I will be together. I LOVE knowing that.

Ok, other things I love.

My friends, more specifically my bridesmaids (including my maid of honor of course!), I LOVE. I am so happy that my best friends are my bridesmaids. I LOVE that I can count on them and they can count on me. I LOVE knowing that they support me and also kick me in the butt when needed. I LOVE that I can vent, cry, and laugh with them.

My wedding dress, I LOVE! Maybe that's what inspired this update. My dress came in last week and I had my first fitting today. I LOVE it. I was so freaking giddy wearing it today.

I love that I am greatly involved in the wedding music. B had his fun with the invitations and all things visual. I LOVE that I am making musical arrangements of songs I love that will be included in the mass. I LOVE that I will not be marching down the aisle to the traditional "Here Come the Bride" music. I LOVE that I got to pick the melody I want to march to and that our musical director/organist is excited to play around with it in order to play it the way I envision. I LOVE that the music will reflect us. I LOVE that much of the personal touches of the wedding really reflect who we are a s a couple.

I am engulfed in, swimming in, swaying to, embracing, surrounded with LOVE.

bookmark this page!

I'm not really sure how many people actually read this blog anymore since i don't get many comments (HINT HINT!!)and i don't use a tracker, BUT, if you do read this blog on a fairly regular basis, I suggest you BOOKMARK the blog page now, coz in a few days people will be receiving my wedding invitations with the tinysandwichsweatshop.com as the "wedding site". And i will most likely remove the link from the front page to this blog page. Silly I know, but i'm sure you can understand:)

my shower! (the first of two)

I can't believe I haven't told you about my shower?! Maybe coz they made me look like Little Bo Peep. Heh. Well, here are some pics to tell part of the story, haha.

crisis of youth

i found my old bartending recipes notebook from college this evening. in the back of the notebook, i saw an early draft of an essay i wrote in response to some theories from my sociology of youth class.

...I can no longer look at the importance of graduate school in the same way. Now I see it as another element of imposed moratorium. I am angered at my blind acceptance of graduate school as a necessary reality. It still is a necessity in our society but now I believe its importance is rooted in the self-serving economic interests of the adult world...

Hehe. I wonder if that ended up in my final draft.

I hope so:)

Draft #1.5

Inspired by feeling Lovely and being Nowhere

I
Am
Always
Going
Home

to our third floor walk up by the 7 train
to the diner around the corner
to my bedroom on the second floor
to your little Alabang on Grieco Drive
to her toy closet near the cemetery
to his bare first floor two bedroom apartment by Tierras Colombianas
to my classroom near Queens Boulevard

I am always home
going to other homes

New York
New Jersey
Manila
Jamaica
Elmhurst
Jackson Heights
116th Street
Canlubang
Marikina
Lemery
Dumaguete
Bacolod
New York

I am
Always
Never
Home

Lovely Nowhere 4 at La Mama

05-15-06_1956.jpg
Originally uploaded by siraulo.

wedding thoughts

so wow, only about 2 months until the wedding...and i do believe my "surprise" bridal shower is coming up real soon. i bought like three dresses and i still can't decide which one i want to wear for the shower...funny how all this wedding stuff has been running parallel to what feels like a lot of instances of separation. Weddings - marriage for that matter is about the uniting of people, right? So its so weird how I feel like I've been forced to deal with having to separate from things that have been a part of my life for so long. They don't really mention that in those wedding planning magazines and books. Like planning a separation from my parents. Talk about heavy emotional shit! Then, though highly unplanned, I was away from my church youth choir for nearly a month. And it felt like a necessary separation coz I've been feeling like there was too much dependence (likely on a subconscious level of course) on my presence there that there wasn't a need or a motivation to grow. And now my current early intervention case. It was my first case as a therapist and I started with this kid not saying a word, and barely imitated sounds. Now he tells me "no touch" when I want him to slow down when flipping pages of a book. He sings songs, reads stories with me and says when he wants a break or wants to play. Man, separation is PAINFUL. I had to cut down on my hours with this kid and eventually phase out til the end of the month...All these necessary separations, while painful, also are clearly necessary...which i guess makes it all that much harder...

Guess which Mayi theater actor this is...

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Originally uploaded by siraulo.

Check out my flickr for a closer pic, hehe...saw this at the movie theater today